Star Wars - Adventures in Hyperspace 002 - Shinbone Showdown Read online

  A hushed silence fell over the spectators as the two monsters entered the arena. One was a native of the planet Tatooine. The other wasn’t. Both were immense beasts with sharp claws and powerful jaws. And both were very hungry.

  Jabba the Hutt, watching from his private box, laughed as he tossed out a raw bantha leg. It was a good throw. The meat landed in the center of the arena floor, between the two monsters.

  The monsters eyed each other and snarled. The native squill was a deadly carnivore with a green leathery hide. Jabba’s swoop gang had captured the squill after it made the mistake of straying from its desert cave.

  The squill’s opponent was a red-skinned gundark. Bringing the gundark to Tatooine had not been easy, but as Jabba surveyed the excited crowd, he was glad he had made the effort.

  The monsters lunged at each other. Most of the spectators shouted enthusiastically. Others cringed, fearing they were about to lose their money. Jabba laughed heartily because he knew he could only win. After all, he owned the arena.

  Jabba’s arena was located in the Desilijic Complex, the Hutt’s sprawling property at Mos Eisley Spaceport on Tatooine. Jabba also controlled most of the gambling in Mos Eisley, among other things.

  The squill pounced and sank its teeth into one of the gundark’s four arms. The gundark howled and flung the squill to the ground. The squill rolled to its feet and sprang back at the gundark.

  “Haw!” Jabba cried with glee. He reached into his snack bowl, pulled out two wriggling dyadworms, and popped them into his mouth.

  Jabba was not alone in his private box. Two Gamorreans, both carrying large axes, and three blaster-wielding bodyguards stood close by. Jabba’s assistant, the Twi’lek Bib Fortuna, lurked in the shadows at the back of the box.

  Then Han Solo and Chewbacca the Wookiee arrived. Jabba’s bodyguards had been expecting the pair, and made no move to stop them. Brushing past Bib Fortuna, Han said, “Having fun, Jabba?”

  “I always have fun, Solo,” Jabba said, keeping his slit-pupil eyes on the battling monsters.

  “That’s great,” Han replied sarcastically, raising his voice so the Hutt could hear him over the noisy crowd.

  Another howl came from the arena floor. Chewbacca could not help watching the fight with some interest. He’d never seen a squill go up against a gundark. He suddenly found himself rooting for the gundark, who — like the Wookiee himself — was far from home.

  The gundark swung its upper arms at the squill. The squill ducked and then leaped onto the gundark’s back. Wrapping its , arms around its opponent’s neck, the squill then bit the gundark’s ear.

  As the spectators shouted from their seats, Han kept his eyes on Jabba. “You invited me here to talk business, remember?”

  “No, Solo. I have not forgotten about our business meet —” The Hutt was interrupted by a loud snap from the arena floor.

  “Haw-haw!” Jabba burst with laughter. “Did you see what the newcomer just did to the hometown favorite?!”

  “No, but I heard,” Han said without pleasure. “So… about business?”

  Jabba pointed to the gundark. “That monster killed three of my Gamorrean guards. Fortunately, new guards and a large supply of food await pickup on Gamorr.”

  “Gamorr, huh?” Han glanced at Jabba’s guards. “Gamorreans don’t exactly encourage visitors.”

  “No, they do not,” Jabba said. “And my contact on Gamorr does not trust strangers. For these reasons, I must insist you bring my best translator.”

  “A translator? Can’t you just tell your contact that you trust me?”

  The Hutt smiled. “You amuse me, Solo. The translator will meet you at your docking bay. Bib Fortuna will give you all the other details.” Jabba wiggled his stubby fingers, signaling his assistant to step forward.

  Bib Fortuna had been lurking at the back of Jabba’s box. He moved beside Han and held out a datacard.

  Han ignored Bib and the extended datacard. “Not so fast, Jabba,” Han said. “How much does this job pay?”

  Bib Fortuna did not like being ignored. Leaning close to Han, the Twi’lek bared his sharp teeth and hissed, “I tell you the payment! You will accept! No haggling!”

  Han kept his eyes locked on the Hutt. “I’d better warn you, Jabba, my price goes up if Brain-tails doesn’t start using mouthwash.”

  Embarrassed, Bib Fortuna raised a hand over his mouth and tried to smell his own breath. Jabba chuckled and said, “Five thousand credits.”

  Han shook his head. “Eight thousand.”

  Just then, another bone-crunching sound was followed by a monster’s yowl from the arena floor. The spectators went wild, and Jabba’s watchful, bulbous eyes grew wide with delight. “That had to hurt,” he said. “Six thousand credits.”

  “I might agree to seven thousand,” Han said, “if I knew there was a higher-paying job waiting for me when I got back.”

  Looking away from the carnage on the arena floor, Jabba smiled at Han. “Six thousand, five hundred. And after you return from Gamorr, I might hire you for a long-haul… perhaps to Wild Space.”

  “Wild Space, huh?” Han glanced at Chewbacca. The Wookiee nodded. “All right, Jabba. It’s a deal.” Han plucked the datacard from Bib Fortuna’s hand and tucked it into his vest pocket. “I’ll need three thousand in advance for expenses.”

  Bib looked at his boss. The Hutt nodded. Bib reached into a belt pouch and removed three silver-plated credit chips. Handing the chips to Han, Bib sneered and said, “I did not know riffraff had expenses!”

  “And I had no idea you could count to three, Brain-tails,” Han said with a grin. “C’mon, Chewie.” Chewbacca looked at Han and answered with a bark.

  Han replied, “No, we can’t stay and watch the fight. We have to prep the Falcon!”

  Before Chewbacca could protest, a sickening thud came from below. The Wookiee returned his gaze to the arena floor, and saw the gundark had flattened the squill. Chewbacca tilted his head back and roared.

  Han said, “Happy now?”

  Chewbacca nodded. Then he snarled at Bib Fortuna, just to make the Twi’lek jump, before he followed Han out of Jabba’s box.

  Han and Chewbacca made their way to the arena’s exit. As they stepped out into the baking heat, the Wookiee grunted bitterly.

  “I don’t want Gamorreans on the Falcon, either, pal,” Han answered. “They smell worse than Bib Fortuna’s breath. I’m also not thrilled about Jabba insisting that we take a translator.”

  Chewbacca shrugged, then let out a whimper.

  “You’re always hungry!” Han replied. “If we’re lucky, maybe the translator knows how to cook.”

  Chewbacca responded with a hopeful growl.

  Docking Bay 94 was just a short walk from Jabba’s arena at Mos Eisley Spaceport. Han Solo’s ship, the Millennium Falcon, was inside the open-roofed docking bay. Han was in the Falcon, making an adjustment to the hyperdrive’s horizontal booster.

  Chewbacca barked loudly from outside the ship. Han yelled back, “Tell the translator I’ll be right out!”

  Han set aside his tools and stepped down the Falcon’s landing ramp. When he saw Jabba’s translator, he said, “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

  The translator was a droid, an old Cybot Galactica protocol unit with a faded green head and body, Chewbacca noticed Han’s surprised expression and let out a braying laugh.

  “Hello, Captain Solo,” the droid said in a female voice. “My name is TC-72. Master Jabba has instructed me to travel with you to Gamorr.”

  Han scowled. “I don’t care what your instructions are,” he sai
d. “Jabba should have known better than to send a droid.”

  Confused, TC-72 said, “May I ask why, sir?”

  “Because I don’t like machines that talk back!”

  “Oh,” said TC-72 sadly. “I’m very sorry that you feel that way, Captain.”

  “Listen, droid. Go back to Jabba, and tell him to send a breathing translator.”

  “I’m sorry, sir,” TC-72 said, “but I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

  Losing his patience, Han said, “Do you understand the word ‘scram’?”

  “Yes, sir,” TC-72 said. “I meant to say I can go back to Jabba, but I can’t tell him to send another translator. Master Jabba told me that if you refused to take me to Gamorr, he would hire BoShek instead.”

  “BoShek?” Han said with surprise. “But I —”

  TC-72 interrupted, “Master Jabba also instructed me to collect your advance of three thousand credits, plus fifty percent interest, as stipulated in the datacard you received from Bib Fortuna.”

  Han gasped. “Fifty percent?!”

  TC-72 nodded. “Do you wish to pay Jabba personally?”

  “I don’t prefer to pay Jabba ever!” Han fumed. “Just… get on board!”

  “Yes, sir,” TC-72 said as she walked toward the Falcon’s landing ramp. “Goodness, I“ve never traveled on such an old ship. Are you certain it will reach Gamorr?”

  Han shook his head and muttered, “Why me?”

  Chewbacca chuckled.

  While Chewbacca went to the Falcon’s cockpit to prepare for liftoff, Han led TC-72 to the main hold. Han said, “Sit there, and buckle up.” He gestured to the seat that curved around the built-in hologame table.

  TC-72 looked at the seat. “I might be of more use to you in the cockpit, sir. I could tell you about Gamorrean history and culture, so when we arrive on Gamorr, you’ll be fully informed about —”

  “I said,” Han interrupted, “sit there!”

  TC-72 lowered herself onto the seat beside the hologame table while Han stepped over to the engineering station. Reaching for a safety belt, TC-72 found the metal buckle was slightly cracked. Then she noticed some wires and cables dangling out of the ceiling’s maintenance hatch.

  “Dear me,” TC-72 said. “Do you realize that this vessel is in violation of numerous safety codes? You really should have an inspector conduct a thorough—”

  “That does it.” Han turned from the engineering station and moved toward the seated droid. TC-72 saw he was carrying a small toolbox.

  Three minutes later, Han joined Chewbacca in the cockpit. Chewbacca had already started the Falcon’s engines. Han said, “All set?”

  Chewbacca nodded. The Falcon’s thrusters fired, and then the ship began rising out of the docking bay. As they traveled up and away from Mos Eisley, the Wookiee barked a question.

  Han replied, “How would I know if the droid can play hologames?! But if you ask her between here and Gamorr, don’t expect an answer!”

  “Now there’s something you don’t see everyday, Chewie,” Han Solo said. “Mushrooms taking an afternoon stroll!”

  Chewbacca answered with a chuckling hoot as the dome-capped fungi moved across the ground.

  “Now that you mention it, pal,” Han replied, “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen it at any time of day.”

  Han and Chewbacca were so amused that they almost forgot about the four hulking Gamorreans who had led them to the mushrooms. Growing impatient, one Gamorrean — farmer — snorted rudely.

  Han and Chewbacca had not had any difficulty traveling through hyperspace to the planet Gamorr. Using the datacard that Bib Fortuna had given him, Han had easily located the mushroom farm at the edge of a large forest. They had landed the Millennium Falcon in a clearing beside the farm.

  Jabba’s contact turned out to be the farmer, who wore a ragged leather tunic. The three other Gamorreans were the new guards that Jabba had hired. Although the Gamorreans had been expecting Han and Chewbacca, they did nothing to make the travelers feel welcome. The farmer snorted again, this time more loudly.

  Chewbacca ignored the farmer and continued to watch the mushrooms. Han turned to face the farmer. “I don’t suppose you speak Basic?”

  The farmer spat, launching a stream of yellowish fluid that came dangerously close to the toe of Han’s left boot.

  “I’ll take that as a ‘No’.”

  Han turned to Chewbacca. “I’d hoped we could avoid using the droid that Jabba insisted we bring here. But it looks like we’ve got no choice.” He reached to his belt, removed a droid caller, and activated the device. A moment later, TC-72 came trotting down the Millennium Falcon’s landing ramp. Han waved and said, “Over here, motormouth!”

  Seeing Han, TC-72 gave a muffled reply, then began walking toward the group.

  The Gamorreans’ beady eyes blinked at the sight of the approaching droid. When TC-72 came to a stop in front of Han, the Gamorreans saw why the droid’s voice had sounded muffled. A thin, rectangular magnetic plate had been secured over the droid’s mouth.

  Facing the droid, Han said, “Now, I’m pretty sure you finally understand what I told you earlier? About how I don’t like machines that talk too much?”

  TC-72 nodded.

  “Good,” Han said. “Then we’ll get along fine.” He reached up and peeled off the magnetic plate from the droid’s face.

  TC-72 tilted her head slightly and made a rasping sound to test her audio output. Han thought TC-72 was about to say something, so he held up the magnetic plate and dangled it in front of the droid’s face. Han said, “Don’t even think of thanking me for letting you speak again!”

  TC-72’s head jerked back slightly, but she remained silent.

  Han gestured to the mushroom farmer. “Ask this guy if the food shipment that Jabba ordered is ready for pickup.”

  TC-72 turned to face the Gamorrean clad in ragged leathers. “Oh,” said TC-72. Then she turned back to face Han and said, “Sir, I believe there’s -something I should first tell you about —”

  “No,” Han interrupted. “Chewie and I heard enough of your comments and observations before we even left Tatooine! Right, Chewie?” Chewbacca kept his eyes on the snoruuks, but responded with a low growl.

  “Oh, my,” TC-72 said nervously. “However, I really do believe you should be aware that —”

  “Ask him about the mushrooms!” Han snapped.

  Returning her attention to the Gamorrean, TC-72 made a series of grunting noises. The Gamorrean grunted in response, and then pointed to a nearby stone building with a wide door.

  TC-72 turned to Han and translated, “The shipment of mushrooms — they’re called snoruuks — is on a sledge in that shed. Would you like the three guards to haul them to your ship?”

  “Naw, Chewie can handle it,” Han said. “Right, Chewie?” But when he looked at his friend, he found the Wookiee had scooped up a snoruuk. Chewbacca chortled as the fungus moved across the palm of his furry hand.

  “Stop playing with the merchandise,” Han said. “It’s not professional!”

  Chewbacca whimpered as he put down the snoruuk. Then he rose and walked over to the stone building. He pushed the door open to reveal a sledge that carried several cargo containers. Each container was filled with snoruuks.

  Chewbacca gripped the sledge’s handles and began hauling it toward the Falcon’s landing ramp. As he walked past Han, he barked a question.

  “No, you can’t keep a snoruuk,” Han said, rolling his eyes.

  Chewbacca whimpered again.

  Han, TC-72, and the Gamorreans followed Chewbacca over to the Falcon. While Chewbacca transferred the cargo into the ship, Han called out to TC-72. “Hey, droid. Tell the farmer that I’m happy to bring these mushrooms to Tatooine. Tell him it pleases me that Jabba’s guards will be eating well, and that I’ve enjoyed doing business with him.”

  TC-72 hesitated for a moment, but then she made more guttural noises at the farmer. The Gamorrean responded with a snort and several grunts. L
ooking at Han, TC-72 said, “The farmer wonders if you have anything to trade.”

  Han beamed. “That’s what I was hoping he’d say. Tell him I have two bolts of Trevella cloth and a bantha hide. Find out how much he’s interested, and also what he’s got for trade.”

  TC-72 grunted at the farmer. The Gamorrean answered with an angry snort, and then spat at the ground again. TC-72 looked at Han. “I believe that means ‘Not interested’.”

  Baffled, Han said, “But the stuff’s good! Ask him… no, tell him the cloth would be a great gift… maybe for his wife or mother?”

  TC-72 glanced at the Gamorrean farmer, but then shook her head. “The farmer made it quite clear that —”

  “I’m not asking for your opinion,” Han said. “Ask him if he knows any female Gamorreans who need some fabric.”

  “But, sir, I’m afraid that would —”

  “Ask him!”

  TC-72 made a sound that resembled a sad sigh. Then she faced the Gamorrean and translated Han’s question. To Han’s surprise, all four Gamorreans responded with angry sputters. Then the farmer squealed and threw a hard, backhanded slap at TC-72’s head.

  The droid’s head snapped free from her neck and fell away from her body, which remained standing. Han watched TC-72’s head bounce before it rolled to a stop beside one leg of the Falcon’s landing gear.

  Han stared at TC-72’s head, which was facing the sky. Han asked, “Why’d he hit you?”

  TC-72’s head replied, “Because, sir… as I was trying to tell you… the farmer is a female.”

  The Gamorreans stomped their feet. The farmer shook a massive fist at Han. Han said, “Oh. Can you tell her that you, uh, translated my words wrong?”